Ugly Fat

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Right now behind me there are two nincumpoops trying to out do each other in a contest of who can sing "Are you strong enough to be my man?" These two are not popular. One is gangly. He sometimes eats with the girraffes of the African Safari. The other a shorter, rounder, older man. His beard lay shaggy as though he leaves in the morning for his lumberjack job. Both of them terrible singers only one will win this battle royale of angelic voices!

His facial features are uncanny, his wit is impecable. If you were to see this man's facial hair in person you might wet your pantaloons. You may find him in the most unlikely of places. He wanders the streets of Coon Rapids, MN. He tears up the weight room of Lifetime Fitness. His muscle tone is more scuplted than top female body builder Eulalia Santos. Pictures can be found at http://www.eulaliasantos.com/. Neither of these people are allowed in the Boom Boom Room.

You gently slide the top button into place as you stare at your identical twin standing across from you, it mimics every move you make as though you are looking into a mirror, because you are. You "pop" your collar so hard, it is so tall it puts other collars to shame. Other collars will tremble when you go near them tonight. Out of your peripherals you reach to the corner of the cream colored fake marble laminate, grabbing a small, purple see-through, square glass containing your musk of choice. The over spray of Sex Panther covers every sensory nerve ending in your nostril giving you a slight headache from the pleasantly strong aroma. You know you put on too much but you don't care because you know that he might be there and you will need to gain every edge possible to outwit him and take home the prize. In the past, competition has been much too easy but now with him in the picture stealing every bit of tail that he can you almost have no chance. Some yelling you can barely understand comes from the front doorway leading out side, its probably your mindless friends eagerly waiting for you to follow them. One last check in the mirror and your on your way. With every stop-light flashing by you, more and more questions come to your head. Will there be quality prizes there tonight? Did I put on enough Sex Panther? Will it matter? Will he be there? Before you know it your friends are shutting the doors of the rust covered blue sedan. As you open the groaning door you catch a whiff of the exhaust leaking from the stead you rode in on. Violent sounds of trumpets and saxophones fill the air, the joint is hoppin tonight! As you get closer to the entryway, pink and yellow ultraviolet lights bounce off of the puddles from the storm the prior night. Buzzing from the sign that reads "Boom Boom Room" gets louder and louder as you go underneath it through the double doors. You first notice all the different smells, there are many competitors here tonight but he is the only one your looking for. He is the only one that can steal your luster. Your eyes dart back and fourth from one corner of the room to the other trying to catch a glimpse of him but hoping you don't. His medium length hair with his piercings poking out of his ears. You are partially blinded when the lights flash from the stage, the band is entering their second act. The team of misfits you came in with wiggle their way through the crowd to a booth. Taking your time you hang your coat on the back of your chair and view the room to its fullest, no sign of him you ease into the booth, your jeans squeaking on the pleather padding. You sit back and take a sip of the cranberry vodka that got sent over by some pigeons a couple booths over, the night is yours there will be no competition tonight and you will surely not end the night alone, quickly like a flash of light you remember the sign on the door as you entered, in bold red letters on a white backround, No JRB's in the Boom Boom Room.

First post!

I believe my life's mission is to design and develop a bar in the suburbs of 763 called the Boom Boom Room, I would probably have my father do all the carpentry work and a clever pal of mine by the name of Joshua Barsody would do all the graphic work, although Joshua Barsody would not be allowed in the Boom Boom Room.